I am now homeless, living on a couch. No air conditioning. It is over 95 degrees. Damn.
I am now homeless, living on a couch. No air conditioning. It is over 95 degrees. Damn.
It has happened. I am single. No more “the boy”. If I refer to him in future posts he will be “the ex.” Some important things you may ask a newly broken up person:
1. Are you sad?
Yes and no. I was sleeping today and would wake up in a panic and cry. When I was doing things like walking with my buddy Jessie or catching up with a girl at a bar I know, I am fine. I miss texting him. I miss the phone calls. Since we were long distance, the physical being together part doesn’t hit me as hard.
2. Why did you break up?
It’s been coming for a while. This last trip together just showed me that it was officially over. Louisville, the first night, went fine. Then three night in STL did NOT. We fought like cats and dogs all three nights. It was just a light bulb of “huh, maybe this isn’t working.”
3. What does this mean for your future?
I am going to go to law school, that hasn’t changed. The two months before that I am really going to work on becoming myself again. You know, when you’re with someone and you just lose yourself in them, yeah, I feel like that happened. Now I need to find Storm, I don’t know quite where she went, but I need her back. One thing for sure is that I could not imagine a future with him for the past few months. Six months ago, yeah, I thought he would be my one and only, but 5 months ago, well, something changed.
4. He had quite a bit more money than you? Does that affect you much?
Yeah, he was pretty wealthy and I am, well, poor. I do offer this advice to anyone dating in a different economic bracket. Do NOT let yourself rely on them for bill money or anything you need. This guy, yeah, he bought me shoes, he bought me LSAT material, he bought me all the things I don’t really NEED or things I could have gotten from my grandmother (who also has a bit of money), but I always made sure I paid my own bills. I knew that I needed to be the person to support myself.
5. Do you regret it?
Aspects of our relationship, yes. Do I regret the whole thing, of course not. I love and care about this person, we’re just bad together. I won’t get into the things I like or dislike about him, but I will say this, we were a good couple for most of our time together. It was just the end that was no good.
6. Could you fix it?
No. We aren’t meant to be and honestly I don’t want to fix it this time.
7. Are you interested in dating now?
Nope. I want two months to myself and then I will be open to the idea when I am settled in Boston.
8. How is your diet going?
Not well. I am in the “eat your feeling” stage of the break up, but I plan on starting the “work out and punish your body” stage of the break up tomorrow. I want to do a morning and evening work out.
9. Do you think you will juice soon?
I can’t handle juicing and crying right now, so, no.
10. Did you actually feel your heart break?
Yes, my chest actually hurt.
11. What will make you happy right now?
Hearing from Suffolk about my financial aid, lots of hiking, ice cream, working out, and maybe a trip home to see my moms cat Freddie…he always makes me happy. I will also be hardcore cleaning my apartment.
12. Any advice for anyone?
Yeah. A few things. If the person tells MAJOR lies, break up with them despite being in love. If you feel like you should break up with the person, do it. If they break up with you and then come back to you saying they really didn’t want that, end it anyway. If your relationship causes your to have week long depression, yeah, time to end it. If your relationship reminds you more of cocaine than a fine red wine, end it! Passion is great, but you need to have some chill time. I would say in two and a half years, the ex and I only had about 20 relaxed, chilled nights and that is wrong! If you can’t just enjoy each other without distractions, that is weird and probably a red flag.
I have not been on WordPress for a while because I have not been following a nutrition or juicing plan, and this was suppose to be a blog about juicing. I have been walking quite a bit. My hiking has stopped because it has been storming here quite a bit and the trails have been flooding.
I have been working on getting my financial aid from Suffolk. I still have not heard anything! Every time I get something turned in they tell me I need another form or I need another institution to fax them something! So annoying. I am going to call them again tomorrow after I fax in yet ANOTHER form which they said they didn’t have yet I already faxed it and printed a communication journal from the fax machine and it said it came through okay. Grrrrrrr.
Good news is, I think I found roommates. That makes me excited. I have to Skype them tomorrow to see if they like me. Wish me luck! I hope they like me!!!!!!!
I am still in love with the show Hannibal. It is amazing.
Today I took lamps home from the hotel. I took three. The base of them are metal, very baroque. I wish the new renovated lamps were up for grabs. The new ones are beautiful. Black and sleek. I need to buy new shades for my new lamps. I am only keeping one for a desk lamp at school then giving two to my parents. I don’t think they need lamps, but who doesn’t need high quality hotel lamps. They are super dusty, like housekeeping hasn’t dusted them since they were put in the hotel 6 years ago.
Speaking of the hotel, I have had an amazing week at work. Just a lot of fun, laughing, a good time. I haven’t had a week like this for a long time. It has been super awesome!
Cameron is leaving in early July which makes me sad. He is awesome and I will miss him being my security guard. He is going to be with his girl in Michigan and then go to school in the fall for psychology. I did tell him last night, if you get a general psychology degree you may want to think of specializations or graduate school since bachelor psychology degrees are very popular and the job market is very competitive. He is a very smart kid though and I am sure he has a plan. A very old soul as some hippie would say.
A stupid thing happened yesterday. My electric was turned off!! So, my bill said delinquent AFTER the 17th, and I got paid on the 18th, so I thought, not a big deal. One day after. Nope. They turned it off ON the 17th. I paid it in the early AM of the 18th and they turned it back on about 9 AM this morning, but still! I went from 10 AM-9PM in my home without electricity. Luckily I had a battery powered “torch” that also has a radio in it, so I just listened to the radio…in the dark…..then got ready to go in very dim light for work. It was also very hot because I had no air conditioning.
I am road tripping to Louisville tomorrow with the boy. Should be a good time. Then we are coming back to STL.
I move out of my place on July 14th. I will be living with my buddy Jessie until August 20th. Then stay with my mom for about a week because she is not taking this “Storm moves to Boston” thing well. I will be back in January for a wedding, so it’s technically only a few months and we’ll see each other about as much as we do now that I live in STL. It’s just I won’t be able to drive home when dealing with breakups or financial difficulties. We all have to grow up sometime. I have been telling her, “Plus! You can visit me in awesome BOSTON!” Moms will be moms.
I took a mirror from the hotel. It’s about 4 feet tall, 2 and a half feet wide. Thing was, I walked to work but I knew if I didn’t take it home I would forget. So I carried a gigantic mirror through downtown STL this morning.
I sent out my first e-mail to a girl asking if I could be her roommate.
I ate some veggies today and some fast food. I don’t plan on eating anything unhealthy the rest of the day or week.
My body is so sore from my work out yesterday and my mirror adventure.
I am planning a hike with my buddy Jessie for this weekend. Should be awesome.
Last night at work I had a girl shadowing my job. They want to find a replacement for me so the transition from me leaving is smooth. Funny thing happened last night. We were delivering receipts and got to this room and they were burning INCENSE! Such a STRONG smell. So, smoking is not allowed in the hotel, because of the smell. Same goes with incense. We were scared they would set off the fire alarm so we went to google “Does incense set fire alarms off.” As soon as we put in “Does incense” the google pulled up the last search of “Does incense cover the smell of weed.” The kicker of this story, the person in the room was an employee! Which means they are going to be fired! Dummy.
I just got done eating a giant plate of broccoli, and I was even more food! I want hummus with pita chips. Mmmmmm, that sounds good.
I did a kettle bell work out today. It went fine. Broke a good sweat.
Besides the steamed broccoli I had, I also had today another plate of steamed veggies that was onions, red potato’s, green bean, and rosemary. Food wise today I am kicking ass.
I looked on Craigslist to get an idea of room mates up in Boston. I wanted to to go to this housing fair the 6-8 but I just didn’t have the money.
The boy was just in town this week and we had a splendid time together. Ate terribly, but had fun. He is now talking about trying for this job in Birmingham, and I am sorry, if he gets it, we’ll have to break up. I mean, we’re together for over 2 years, I move to Boston, he moves away? That is just downright ridiculous. If he gets it, I mean, good for him. It’s suppose to be a good job, but I don’t want long distance anymore or ever again. I know that for sure. I want a boyfriend who I can hang out with when I get out of class. Someone who can go out to dinner with me without having to be on a plane first. Someone I don’t have to pack a suitcase before seeing. Long distance is tough and I don’t enjoy it. I enjoy the traveling, but now that I am settling down for a solid 3 years for law school, I will need a boyfriend in the same city as me. It’s a deal breaker.
I go back to work tonight, which I don’t want to do. I think I am semi-training a girl? They’re already filling my position and I am staying til mid-August! Seems a touch preemptive.
So, that is about it on the updates. The goal with the kettlebell is to do a work out on it everyday and weight myself at the end of 7 days. Hopefully I see some good results!
These next 6 days will be ONLY veggies, fruit, and water. I am hoping to give my body a huge boost of nutrients and cleanse my body before I head up to Chicago, then the boy comes to STL for fun, then I head to Boston for a housing fair. I have contacted their financial aid, but there is nothing I can do til next week. I want to know NOW if I can get the money for school though. I am sure that there are ways to get money. I hope. I need to go to school next year. Pretty sure I mentioned that I’ve felt my life has been stagnant for a while now, besides the traveling. Traveling has been the only thing that makes me feel alive. That’s why I need school, I never felt this way when I had school to challenge my mind. Right now I just have a job that I can now do half asleep. No real challenges, just annoying little problems that aggravate me to no end. Sometimes people come to me with what they consider problems, and I just think, this is not a problem! A humming from your fridge is not a problem! I had a guy the other night, swore he could hear a buzzing in his room. Went to the room, nothing. NOTHING! He asked if he was crazy and I almost said, yes! Instead I just moved him and said something about how people have trouble sleeping in new environments sometimes.
That hike I took, did I mention mosquito’s ate me alive. Yeah, over 200 bites all over me. It looks like I have some terrible disease!
My sleep schedule is all out of whack. I am sure by 4 AM tonight at work I am going to be nodding off. Hopefully it is a quiet night.
I think it is going to storm tonight…
Yes, that is a Bison. Before I hiked I took a drive through Lone Elk animal preservation area.
Then the world bird sanctuary.
Finally started actually hiking, though the start of the trail was at the sanctuary.
I wanted to take more pics of the trail but I was being eaten ALIVE by bugs. Probably have West Nile now. The two photo’s I regret missing are a deer leaping over the trail 10 feet in front of me and a pair of ducks I saw, a mallard and mrs. duck floating along like it was a lazy river. I estimate my hike to have been about 7 miles and it took me 2 1/2 hours. Afterwards my legs looked like this.
It was very muddy most of the way….
I watched a 90′s movie called “Committed” last night. I had another very BLEH day, go figure. So it was a movie and hot pockets for me.
Committed is about a woman who is very dedicated to her marriage vows, or, hence the title, committed. So committed, in fact, she follows her husband from NYC to Texas to help him because the vows say “in good times and in bad.” The way she finds him is through some sort of universe voo-doo and kind of loses me here, but she finds him. She soon discovers he is not only improving his photography career but starting a whole new life, which includes dating other women. She is pretty much stalking him at this point. Jolene decides, screw it, he is just in a “spiritual wheelchair” and needs to be stuck by. She becomes friends with everyone in his life, including the mistress who had no idea about Jolene. There is a bunch of sitting outside his trailer, young Benicio Del Toro hitting on her, she does more voo-doo? It’s kind of weird. Then she is, well, committed to a psych ward where she looks deep down and decides it is better to leave the husband, who by the way is played by Luke Wilson, and go back to NYC and start her life over. Casey Affleck is in there too for some comic relief as her brother, he marries the husband’s girlfriend. I give this movie a B-. I do love the straight from the 90′s looks though. Red pleather pants and mid drifts. Ahhhh, the 90′s, when everyone seemed to just not give a crap about what they wore.
Why am I down now you may ask. Well, I am very worried about my financial aid for school. Also, I will make this the summer of major changes if I don’t get to go to school this year. Quitting my job, moving, all sorts of things. I feel like I have been stagnant for 3 years, even though I have done quite a bit of traveling. Stagnant though, stagnant.
I am going on a hike today, the weather isn’t suppose to get bad, but it will be up in the 80′s, which is hot for me so I have to bring lots and lots of water! I am not a hot weather person. I am planning on 14 miles. I want to head out of my apartment to buy food for it in about an hour. Look forward to another hiking post later today.
Also, NBC, if you’re reading which I doubt, I love Hannibal! It is the best new show you’ve come up with in a long time. DO NOT CANCEL THIS SHOW!
I just watched The Other Woman on Netflix and I have to say, I really enjoyed it. Made me cry a few times. It feels like I’ve been crying a lot in the past few days, sheesh. Anyway, it is about a woman who is a mistress, becomes pregnant, then upgrades from mistress to wife but the baby dies from SIDS when she is 3 days old. On top of that, has to deal with an 8 year old step son who is not very receptive to her. The film takes place in New York City and Central Park is almost as much of character as the actual characters. It shows Emelia (Natalie Portman) deal with the struggles of being a 2nd, younger, wife and with the loss of her child. Emelia makes mistakes, she is not always a lovable character but you can really feel the pain she is going through. Portman does a wonderful job acting as does Lisa Kudrow who plays the Ex-wife Carolyn. You want to dislike Kudrow, but you quickly realize she is just as hurt as Portman from losing a husband. Don’t get me wrong, she comes off as a cold bitch, but you still feel for her. That is some good acting. It is a film from IFC, so it had a very indie feel to it. The reason I enjoyed this feel so much is the emotions it conveys.
Diet wise, I have been doing better. Ate steamed veggies after work yesterday (with a grey goose and red bull).
When I woke up after a coma-like sleep, had a watermelon slice. Now I am having an orange and hard boiled eggs. A weird fact about my 10 year old stepbrother, he will only eat the yolks of hardboiled eggs, that’s the only way he will eat any egg. He doesn’t eat scrambled, over easy, fried, just the yolk of hardboiled eggs. Just the bad for you part of the egg. This kid is also an overweight 10 year old (like I was). I wish my parents would realize Ted would have a much better life if they taught him to eat right now! I am still trying to teach myself to eat right, and I am 25!
Really, really, considered late night taco bell but I don’t want all those calories and I don’t have any money. So. Skipping that. I crave it so much, I need to un-addict myself. Today was the first day, we’ll see if I can make it 3 months without taco’s.
I haven’t done much else. Talked to the boy. We’re in a better place than we were a few days ago. I was very worried about us for a couple days.