Feeling down

I am in a depression I can’t seem to get out of today. 😦 I think the main part is my boy lives so far away from me in Boston, actually he is on his way to London right now, and it makes me sad. Sometimes I want to be in a conventional relationship where I can just hang out with my boy whenever I want, but I feel like I will never find anyone as perfect as my current guy ever again. He tried making me feel better before his plane left saying, “We’ll be in L.A. together soon and then you’re coming up to Boston for law school, so if we can make it through these next few months, everything will be great.” Yeah, I’ll come up to Boston, be bogged down with law school which from all accounts takes over your entire life and I have the lofty goal of being president of the law review on top of that, so, even when I move up there, I will be so incredibly busy, I don’t know. We will just have to wait and see what happens. These depression’s have been hitting me since I was in middle school, so I’m used to having days where I just can’t muster the mental strength to get out of bed.

Yesterday and today’s nutrition were fails.

Yesterday I work up, ate a spinach, tomato, parm omelet, which wasn’t that unhealthy. Then I went out drinking watching the Cardinal’s game which we lost in terible fashion. Tried to play pin ball, both machines in my local bar were off. Played some Big Buck Hunter. Came home, ate a couple avocado’s and sunflower seeds, watched Project Runway. My diet has made drinking hard to gage. I had 4 vodka tonics and was done when I used to be able to drink like, 10. My guy has been trying to watch his nutrition too, which he doesn’t really have to do since he has the perfect body, and he’s noticed that he gets drunk a lot faster now too. We’ve decided we’re both light weights who were just eating too many heavy foods that we just couldn’t tell we were light weights.

So I slept all day, only getting up to drink water, realize I’m still depressed, then go back to sleep. Another thing that is just adding on to the depression is my biological father has been released from prison and he keeps trying to contact me and, get this, get me to give him my social security number. He’s a pretty bad guy. A meth addict. I want to change my number but all my law school contact info has this current number on it. I figure once I move to Boston I will get a cell phone plan up there and change it then. I will never have to worry about him showing up, calling me, basically stalking me. A whole new start.

I ate pizza today. Weird thing though, I used to be able to eat a whole medium, and I can’t anymore. I was just too full. I guess that is good thing. Tomorrow the nutrition will be back on track, I have a work out plan, and hopefully I will be out of this depression. Typing it up and sharing with the world has already helped a little.

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5 thoughts on “Feeling down

  1. Sending you love. Don’t worry, falling is important so we can learn how far we have come. Nothing wrong with eating/drinking other stuff every once in awhile. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt and forgive today. Tomorrow is the next today and you can only be where you are when you are there. Sending you loving prayers and any support you need.

  2. Sending love from here as well.

    And don’t be too hard on yourself – I think you did really well! The spinach and tomato omelet was very healthy! And the avocado was very healthy too.

    Geez when I have a bad diet day I live on softdrink and candies :p

    Be gentle with yourself.

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