Oh my goodness..that is an ass…

Work was so super calm last night it was amazing. I kept forgetting it was a Saturday. Where are the drunks? Where are the fights? Why do I have time to just chill and watch Coming to America??? I’m not complaining, I was just confused.

I did eat pretty well at work. Had a big plate of steamed broccoli and cauliflower. Then I had a very small piece of grilled chicken pizza that my security guard was given for finding the delivery drivers phone. Finished the day with a half a cinnamon bagel, no cream cheese or anything.

Today I had steamed edamame but also a candy bar. At work I only plan on steamed veggie’s though.

I do have to tell the world about this African American couple at work right now. I have no idea watch the guy does or the girl for that matter. He goes in and out of the hotel about 20 times a night. They always extend their stay in cash at about 5:30 AM. I’ve never smelled smoke or anything coming from their room, so that makes me think not drug dealers which my security guard thought because of the constant coming and going in the middle of the night and the cash payments. I am kind of thinking club promoter. What I do have to mention is this girl’s ass. Has to be implants, literally looks like two basketballs have been glued to her behind. I could actually set a glass of water on it and it wouldn’t spill. She could be a famous stripper, making a special appearance at the East Side clubs, that would explain the hours and the cash. Maybe he is a club promoter. If that was the case though, I wouldn’t think he’d be coming and going so much. Every morning too they ask where certain things are, like two days ago they got directions to Saks fifth avenue and yesterday it was movie theaters. He said they’re from Memphis trying to figure out things to do in St. Louis. They are a mystery to me! I want to ask, but that would take the fun away from me guessing.

We also have two “Ladies of the Night” in house. Two white girls who I honestly thought were just party girls. One has crazy long blonde hair and is that sort of over done bad girl make up type. The brunette is pretty normal looking. I didn’t know they were working girls til last night when I saw the John’s going up. They hadn’t made any in house calls the two days before and I saw them walking in the other night with ten shopping bags each from stores like Nordstrom and Bebe. Apparently that line of work pays well. The blonde I know for a fact has no idea how to do laundry. She came down asking if there was dry cleaning on Saturday, I said no they are closed on weekends but we do have a coin laundry on the 2nd floor. She says, and I quote, “I don’t know how to do that.” Whoa. I kind of gave her a look like…seriously…..

The problems with in house working girls is they always eventually cause problems. They’ll last a month, no issues, just a revolving door of men. Then, things happen. Like I will tell you.

Two in house were having john’s up to the room. She comes downstairs to the desk, “THIS MAN HAS STOLEN MY PHONE!” Apparently, the new thing in the world of hookers is they take your picture on their phone and say they will turn you in if you tell anyone (oh the things you learn on the night shift). This girl must have done that, the guy goes, “Nope.” Steals the phone, runs down 11 flights of stairs, out the back. She calls the police. They ask, “How do you know this guy?” (there are two girls, because being a hooker by yourself may get you murdered) The one says “You know him from that party right?” “No, girl, he’s that guy you met at the gas station.” “No, no, no, you knew him through Tyrone.” At this point both the cop and I have the looks of …..seriously…….  Cop “Where do you work?” “I am unemployed.” says hooker 1. “Where do you live?” “The Tremont Hotel.” To the other hooker “Well, where do you work?” “I am unemployed too.” Hooker 2 replies “Where do YOU live?” “I live in this hotel.” The cop eventually says, well if you don’t give me any info I can’t find this guy. Hooker 1 “My boyfriend (she means pimp) is gonna kill me!”

We had live-in tranny hookers who one day thought it was appropriate to come down to breakfast, no panties, and let it ALL hang out. Yeah…kicked out for that… In their room were SOOOO many sex toys and nonsense. Oh my goodness.

I could go on and on with these stories because during night audit you see that part of humanity that normal day-walkers don’t get a chance to see. The seedy, underside of everything. It is definitely not the job for those weak of heart. You see the saddest, worst parts of, well, everything. You also see funny things. A give and take.

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